Back by popular demand - another one of those things that Nap used to do to to promote our sense of good funmanship! Email me your submission and I'll pass the sheet around during the playoffs for the final votes to see who wins the title of Funniest Dragon - and yes, copied from the Internet counts but you might not get the votes if you pick one that's made the rounds!
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.
The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.
The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The blonde replies....."Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
A high profile company is holding a job competition and advertised the posting
all across the country. The selection committee narrows it down to the
final three candidates and decides to give the job to the person who can best
answer this question:
A man and woman are both lying nude in bed. She is lying on her
side with her back to him. He is lying on his side facing her back.
What is the man's name?
The candidate from Vancouver replies, "The answer is there is no answer."
The candidate from Toronto replies, "There is not enough information to answer this question, so my answer is there is no answer."
The candidate from Newfoundland is asked next. He replies, "Well, I have it narrowed down to one of two names but I can't decide which it is. It's either Willie Turner or Willie Nailer."
The Newfie got the job.
Q. Have you ever smelled moth balls?
A. How did you get their little legs apart?
A Newfoundland Love Poem (Who said newfies eren't romantic?)
Of course I love ya darling
You're a bloody top notch bird
And when I say you're gorgeous
I mean every single word
So ya bum is on the big side
I don't mind a bit of flab
It means that when I'm ready
There's somethin there to grab
So your belly isn't flat no more
I tell ya, I don't care
So long as when I cuddle ya
I can get my arms round there
No woman who is your age
Has nice round perky breasts
They just gave in to gravity
But I know ya did ya best
I'm tellin ya the truth now
I never tell ya lies
I think its very sexy
That you've got dimples on ya thighs
I swear on me grannies grave now
The moment that we met
I thought u was as good as
I was ever gonna get
No matter wot u look like
I'll always love ya dear
Now shut up while the hockey's on
And fetch another beer.
A newly discovered chapter in the Book of Genesis has provided the answer to "Where do pets come from?"
Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us"
And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his
tail.
And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom
and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."
And God said, " I have created this new animal to be a reflection of
my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will
call him
DOG."
And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them and loved them.
And they were comforted.
And God was pleased.
And Dog was content and wagged his tail.
After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord,
Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks
and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them
that they are loved, but perhaps too well."
And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion n will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."
And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.
And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.
And Adam and Eve learned humility.
And they were greatly improved.
And God was pleased
And Dog was happy.
And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.
Bill: How do you get a newfie girl pregnant?
Sam: I don't know, how?
Bill: And you thought newfies were stupid!